Help Guides How to Help Someone Refusing Treatment

In this help guide, we’ll look at some of the reasons why a person might resist getting help, how you can support them without pushing them away and what steps to take if you’re considering external help and guidance.

Why does someone with an obvious addiction refuse help?

It doesn’t always mean they’re being stubborn. While “stubbornness” is often the first label thrown at someone who refuses help, it’s also one of the most simplistic. Addiction is messy and layered and when someone’s struggling, reducing their behaviour to one word misses the deeper reasons they may be holding back.

If you’re watching someone spiral and can’t understand why they won’t accept the help that’s clearly available, here are some reasons that go beyond the surface.

1. They’re terrified of what sobriety will feel like

Imagine building your day, your week, even your entire sense of self around a substance and now someone’s asking you to give it up. It’s not just about quitting the drug. It’s about quitting the version of themselves that functions with it. For some, especially those using drugs or alcohol to cope with trauma or mental health struggles, the idea of facing life sober can be far scarier than the chaos they’re already in.

Example: Someone who drinks heavily to quiet racing thoughts might fear that without alcohol, they’ll be overwhelmed by anxiety or even suicidal ideation.

2. They don’t believe they’re “that bad” yet

Addiction warps perspective. It tells you that you’re still in control, that things aren’t that serious and that you can stop whenever you choose. Many people who are clearly addicted compare themselves to those they see as “worse off”, someone who’s lost their job, family or health and convince themselves they haven’t crossed the line yet.

Example: A man using cocaine every weekend might insist he’s fine because he still gets to work on time, even though his relationships are fraying and he’s racked up secret debt.

3. They’ve tried before and failed

Relapse can be incredibly disheartening. If someone’s already tried to get clean and didn’t succeed, they may associate help with shame, failure or even deeper pain. It’s hard to believe in recovery when you’ve been through detox, therapy or meetings and still ended up back where you started.

Example: A woman who went to rehab two years ago and relapsed six months later might quietly believe she’s beyond help , even if she won’t say it out loud.

4. They feel judged, even by those trying to help

Support can sometimes come wrapped in criticism. Even when it’s well-intentioned, phrases like “you’re ruining your life” or “look what you’ve done to your family” can push someone further into shame and secrecy. If the person feels cornered or attacked, they may double down on denial to protect what little sense of control they have left.

Example: A teenager addicted to prescription pills may resist their parents’ pleas because every conversation feels like a lecture rather than support.

5. They don’t think they deserve help

Shame is a powerful blocker. Some people battling addiction truly believe they’re too far gone, that they’ve caused too much damage or that they’re not worth saving. This isn’t self-pity; it’s often rooted in past trauma, abuse or years of being told they were a problem.

Example: A man who lost custody of his children due to alcohol may believe that getting sober won’t change how the world sees him, so why bother?

What can I do to help them see they need help?

Now that you have a better understanding of why someone might refuse help, the next question is: what can you actually do?

When someone is in denial about their addiction or refusing treatment for any number of complex reasons, there isn’t a single magic sentence that will snap them out of it. This isn’t an easy situation and it’s not one with clear steps and predictable outcomes. Instead of focusing on the thing that will get through to them, it’s often more helpful to think about a range of things that might slowly open the door.

Here are a few ways you can start helping:

It’s also important to be ready with the next step, whether that’s a place in rehab or a helpline. If you’re thinking about holding an intervention, contact Addiction Helper. We can guide you through the process

What are the next steps?

If you’re looking for help with planning an intervention or you’ve just had a breakthrough and they’re ready for treatment, Addiction Helper is here for you. We can guide you through the next steps, whether that’s finding a rehab centre, arranging a fast admission or getting advice on aftercare. Our team is constantly available and has helped thousands of families in similar situations. Don’t wait; reach out today, and let us support you through this critical stage.

Frequently Asked Questions